Megathread The Lara-Su Chronicles and Ken Penders topic - READ PAGE 164, POST 4096

[Zaysho]

Is it just me or are these designs somehow getting more hideous?

 

And K'Nox? Are you fucking kidding me? If SEGA isn't going to sue him, I just hope they're laughing their asses off and not feeling too bad about Sonic Boom, now.

 

I just... I can't right now. My eyes are glazing over just trying to focus on these, and then I end up looking at that design again... *shudder*

 

 

https://twitter.com/KenPenders/status/593592316863975424
Seems that Ken's been busy making a new Data File (https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CDzdEQDUkAAEMTy.jpg:large). Will update once I read.
EDIT 1: THE PREATORIAN'S NAME IS F###### K'NOX! IS HE EVEN TRYING?!?!
EDIT 2: He's still measuring his characters in Marks and Stone. Metric or US Customary I don't care which just use one of those two!
EDIT 3: Echyd'nyaplis... I can't even begin to describe the stupidity.
EDIT 4: Apparently Kragok is not dead.
EDIT 5: Luger is also not dead.
EDIT 6: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! WHY IS JANELLE NOT DEAD?! THAT WAS THE ENTIRE DRIVING POINT BEHIND WHY SABRE AND ATHAIR DIDN'T GET ALONG!
EDIT 7 (FINAL EDIT): So apparently not only is Lara super smart, and a master combatant, but he's also explaining how all the futures are the same with spacial distortions, WHICH WOULD MAKE THEM ALTERNATE REALITIES!!

 

I am gonna point out that Athair doesn't exist since Gallagher didn't give Penders permission, so he wrote a replacement character. Not surprised he found a way to mess up his own story while doing that.

[Vertekins]

And to the surprise of absolutely nobody, Lara-Su continued being a Mary Sue even after Archie.

 

My God that bio is so, so bad it has to be read to be believed. I mean he's actually referencing the Sonic comic's as her origin!? K'Nox!? Learning 12 languages merely by travelling!? 10th-level skills by the age of 5!?

 

Kudos to Penders, he deserves the golden fucking Kewpie Doll for taking the piss. This, this is as good evidence as any that the man is a shameless hack and Suethor, nothing more and nothing less.

[GamerGirl54321]

WHY IS SHE FUCKING PERFECT

 

"high intellect"

I"M GONNA TOSS MY GUARDIANSHIP FOR A DAAAAAAAAARE"

To be fair, intellect and common sense aren't the same thing.

In other news, her grandma is named Mari-Su.

*facepalm*

[Disonoid 3000]

And it looks like Granny Su is also wearing a loincloth. 

 

"K'Nox AKA by nickname acquired as young lad due to the unusual bone structure of his hands AKA the Praetorian." 

 

Given that K'Nox is apparently his given name, and I can find no record of the word referring to spikes or any kind of protrusions, I think this might mean Knuckles is still his name, it's just a nickname now. 

[Eitarou]

Remember, kids: no matter how bad this gets, it'll only get worse.

[Paul-Agnew]

The Mobius equivalent of AD is apparently LSD

 

That's quite fitting, actually. Considering how the bio goes into "multiple realities" and "timeline shifts", Lara-Su must be heavily addicted to the stuff.

 

In case anyone is wondering, "Rebel Underground" is a reference to "Reunification", her first appearance in the series. So I guess points to him for trying to fit everything together (after saying the story is set after 25YL of course). Doesn't stop it being a terrible cop-out excuse, though.

[Verb & Noun]

I didn't realize the loincloth.

The slits go so high up that it suggests she's not wearing any form of underwear, unless the band for it is at belt level.

 

Also with his shading it looks like she has a tumor under her breasts.

[horridus]

I didn't realize the loincloth.

The slits go so high up that it suggests she's not wearing any form of underwear, unless the band for it is at belt level.

 

Also with his shading it looks like she has a tumor under her breasts.

 

Whelp. That's just. Peachy. I'm sure it was worth it to capture the all important Furry Pederast crowd. Good job, Penders. We thank you for these lovely things to think about. You fucking hack, you.

[SenEDDtor Missile]

"proficient with a dagon"

 

*Searches up dagon*

 

Uh...so she's proficient with either a fish god, an HP Lovecraft story, or a Spanish Horror film?

[Ryannumber1gamer]

OH FUCK, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS UP WITH HER FACE?!

 

 

-5 minutes later-

 

*Ahem* Alrighty. Let's start with this horrifying thing.

 

First off, the proportions on Lara-Su is absolutely dreadful. She's meant to be a 15-16 years old Ken, not fucking 40. Secondly, I thought we had hit the bottom of the barrel with his work when we got Fuckles. Then we got RoboKnuckles and I thought that was the worst but now we have that fucking thing. That's like something out of a horror movie. Lara-Su is meant to be a teenager and she looks like she's fucking 87. She's got wrinkles all over her face and it makes it look like she's melting.

 

Even then, look at the proportions on her face. I can't believe I have to say this but THAT IS NOT HOW A FACE IS DRAWN. Usually it's drawn in a fucking circle Ken, not in some kind of weird angles. It just makes her look like a old woman and a horrifying one at that.

 

Then we get to the clothes. Did he seriously put her into a dress mixed with a fucking loincloth? Is he that desperate to put a freaking loincloth on every character in this book? Really? Then her hair is even worse, it looks like a freaking mop placed on top of a bulldog. It's like in those comedies where characters try to make a female disguise and fail so horribly at it. The difference? Lara-Su is meant to be a fucking female!

 

Then we still get the horrible anime eyes that look absolutely nothing like anime, the fact that her fashion sense is horrible, and the fact that the echidnas (I don't give two fucks what stupid name he's given them, they are fucking echidnas) are somehow some technological species but for some reason, their clothes are dresses and armor mixed with loincloths.

 

Then we get into the text and my god. Where do I even fucking begin?

 

First off, K'Nox? Really? Was K'Nuckles too on the nose? Ken. You are such a fucking hack. It's absolutely shameful, and embarrassing to your writing skills (Sorry, that's implying you have any) that in your fucking Knuckles rip off, you can't even be bothered to change the name and instead just erase letters and make it sound even more idiotic than ever before. It's a total joke.

 

Then we have her skills? I think one of the Sonic Shorts would be most appropriate here.

 

 

 

I mean fucking really? He's giving her so many skills that you might as well change her name to Mary-Su or OP-Su. There's absolutely no flaws or weaknesses in their and that's one of the biggest writing mistakes you can have, but apparently ''Mr.Hot Shot Writer'' needs to be informed of this.

 

WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR MAIN CHARACTER IN YOUR BOOK PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, GIVE THEM A SHIT TON OF SKILLS, AND GIVE THEM NO FLAWS, THEN YOUR MAIN CHARACTER WILL BE BORING. THEY HAVE NO FLAWS, OR WEAKNESSES AND THEREFORE, WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO OVERCOME. WHY WOULD LARA-SU NEED TO OVERCOME A FOE WHEN SHE HAS AMAZING FIGHTING SKILLS? WHY NOT JUST SICK A DRAGON ON THEM? IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK PENDERS YOU MORON.

 

Oh and don't you just love that lack of originality when he can't even be fucking bothered to come up with an original name for his world? Oh no, go right ahead Penders. Fucking steal the title Mobius for your book. Despite the fact you had absolutely nothing to do with it's creation. You're a fucking hack Penders. A terrible writer who can't even come up with his own ideas so he steals them from everywhere else.

 

Let's see. Family. Oh what a surprise. Her father has a defect in his hands. Well gee golly gosh, that surely does remind me of someone. 

 

OH FOR FUCK SAKE PENDERS. IT'S FUCKING KNUCKLES. YOU TERRIBLE HACK OF A WRITER. YOU ARE FUCKING STEALING THIS CHARACTER RIGHT HERE:

 

 

YOU STOLE HIS IMAGE, YOU STOLE HIS FUCKING NAME, AND NOW YOU ARE SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN COME UP WITH A SKILL SET FOR HIM SO YOU'RE STEALING THAT AS WELL?! 

 

Let me just say that. I'm sorry for how angry I'm getting but I am getting absolutely fucking sick and tired of these fucking rip offs and seeing him shit on these characters further, and now he fucking dares to steal the entire character of Knuckles now? Fucking really?

 

So, moving onto history. Let's be clear. You made Knuckles-Expy into a Praetorian...but your brotherhood is still a brotherhood of guardians. Why? Just why the fuck didn't you change them into a brotherhood of Praetorians? Truly, your idiocy knows absolutely no bounds does it?

 

Wow. How much of a cluster fuck is this history? So she's an echidna...but then suddenly she's not an echidna? Because of changes in time? How. The. Fuck. Does. That. WORK!? She'd either exist or not exist! How the flying fuck does she change species. Why does she get glimpses of these alterations in time when she's 16?! EXPLAIN WHY ANY OF THIS HAPPENS TO HER!

 

Oh and look! More talk about how Lara-Su is perfect! You know what?

 

 

WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR MAIN CHARACTER IN YOUR BOOK PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, GIVE THEM A SHIT TON OF SKILLS, AND GIVE THEM NO FLAWS, THEN YOUR MAIN CHARACTER WILL BE BORING. THEY HAVE NO FLAWS, OR WEAKNESSES AND THEREFORE, WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO OVERCOME. WHY WOULD LARA-SU NEED TO OVERCOME A FOE WHEN SHE HAS AMAZING FIGHTING SKILLS? WHY NOT JUST SICK A DRAGON ON THEM? IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK PENDERS YOU MORON.

 

The reset of reality? My god. Please don't tell me he's actually doing what I think he's doing.

 

Is he actually trying to tie this into what happened at the end of Worlds Collide? Really.

 

Ok. Apparently this needs explaining...because clearly, Penders won't.

 

You can't just throw your characters into a random alternative universe without explanation. Why does this need any mention of time was just reset directly after? We clearly aren't going to see the events of this altered timeline so why does it bare mention? How come Lara-Su is the only one who remembers the old timeline? Why would she get any kind of special treatment?

 

Why does it matter? It clearly states she just went back to hanging out with friends. Why does it matter? Did she learn anything from the experience? How did time fix itself? How the fuck could time be altered when in Penders' original plans, Sonic couldn't do anything when he traveled back in time? In all aspects, time should have just reverted back to the normal flow of time and the normal timeline shown in M25YL.

 

How the fuck is it that despite the fact that I haven't written any stories or comics or shit like this, I know this stuff? I have absolutely no experience in writing comic stories but I can very clearly point out all these fucking mistakes that he's made. How the fuck can he be this bad a writer?

 

So Lara-Su wants to be a guardian...so she can be the praetorian? What? If The Praetorian is a bigger role of Guardian, why is the big organization called ''Brotherhood of Guardians?'' Why would Fuckles just up and leave if he was right in the middle of training Lara-Su? Why would she want to be trained for all this when your very script basically said that Lara-Su would be getting the title no matter what and she decides to bet it off anyway, but whoop de fucking doo, she's a genius so I'll assume everything in this book resolves around her but despite being a genius, she still makes idiotic choices.

 

One more thing just to finish this off. Why the fuck is he trying to make the Brotherhood of Guardians sound like heroes? He says that without them, the Dark Legion rule and everything has gone to shit. Why would Fuckles lead the dark legion? That makes no sense as there would be absolutely no reason given to why he'd go crazy and decide to kill his wife and kid because he wants to lead a bunch of tech loving idiots. But anyway, the Brotherhood is shown as some kind of heroes...yet in the script you wrote, you made them go to the extreme of throwing Rutan off the island, to his death, just because he was being a general asshole. Your heroes ladies and gentlemen.

 

That's it. I'm done with this rant. This is an absolute fucking disgrace to these characters. Horribly drawn, horribly written, and with 100% absolutely no fucking clue how you are meant to write a main character, or any character in general, or a fucking story in general. This is nothing more but a hunk of fucking shit.

[Disonoid 3000]

"proficient with a dagon"

 

*Searches up dagon*

 

Uh...so she's proficient with either a fish god, an HP Lovecraft story, or a Spanish Horror film?

I presume a dagon is what we saw Xero holding.

[horridus]

I presume a dagon is what we saw Xero holding.

 

No, I think it might be that knife she had. 

 

Though who the fuck knows anymore. Nothing makes sense. Red is blue. Up is down. Hate is love. Freedom is slavery. 

[Ryannumber1gamer]

I would just like to say sorry for how pissed off I got in the above rant. But, I'm gonna tell it how I see it, and what I see is an abomination to both art and writing.  

[SenEDDtor Missile]

 

"proficient with a dagon"

 

*Searches up dagon*

 

Uh...so she's proficient with either a fish god, an HP Lovecraft story, or a Spanish Horror film?

 

 

I presume a dagon is what we saw Xero holding.

 

 

No, I think it might be that knife she had. 

 

Though who the fuck knows anymore. Nothing makes sense. Red is blue. Up is down. Hate is love. Freedom is slavery. 

I'm just going to assume Lara is skilled in the art of slapping people with a fish and leave it at that.

[TippyCat]

Its probably a coincidence but someone has pointed out that the way Penders draws the characters looks like it comes from this really bad how to draw anime book. I don't know the name or author but here is a picture from it. 

[Mauro Fonseca]

Whelp. That's just. Peachy. I'm sure it was worth it to capture the all important Furry Pederast crowd. Good job, Penders. We thank you for these lovely things to think about. You fucking hack, you.

 

if he's going as far as appealing to pederasts with lara-su, I'm hype for more idiocy

[horridus]

'Mari-Su of the House of Atrades'

 

Wow. Fucking wow. That... that is not how you homage things. 

 

For those of you who didn't read Dune or see the movie, The House of Atreides is where the protagonist Paul comes from. It is also part of a hidden order of granny-nuns millenia long breeding program to create a Chosen One. 

 

Hahahhahahahhahaha-fuck you, KEn.

[biznizz]

So is it just me, or is the fake ass language for Lara's name in her profile match up with that Floating Island patch released not too long ago?

A...? Is he implying the Island is STILL called ANGEL Island?

[Verb & Noun]

[Ryannumber1gamer]

She speaks 12 languages. 11 of them don't make one lick of sense because they were pulled from Penders' ass.

 

Penders, you fucking hack.

[horridus]

Ironically, that looks LESS unnatural than the real deal. 

[Agie]

We live in the year 2015 LSD.

 

Now let's go to town and get high. Because everyone on the planet does that now.

[MightyRay]

 

 

Fair dinkum... not even my most powerful OC's are this 'super special'.. Even the ones I made as a kid weren't this silly. Also why does Mr Penders insist on having everyone and their dog in the family section? I would have left it at the grandparents. 

 

Everything is so long winded and never ending in that bio. Nothing interesting about Lara herself. What's her favourite food? Does she like playing pranks? Does she resent being super gifted and feel burdened? Seriously... This bio is just boring.

 

The design is just as bland too. The colours are blah, She still looks worn and haggard and her zoned out expression doesn't help with those huge eyes. She look's like she's high!

 

Good grief.

[Silver_the_Hedgehog01]

Hello Celestia

What do u mean

Whos a sonic fan here

[Killtank]

Actually, the file says she's fluent in dozens of languages. God, it's like Ken is going out of his way to make the most unapproachable, unrealistic main character he can manage. Lara-Su is the archetypal Mary Sue. She's intelligent, skilled in hand-to-hand combat, and has wisdom beyond her years. Why would anyone feel empathetic about somebody like Lara? There is no reason for me to care about some girl whose personality and skill set are practically flawless. Why would anyone feel compelled to care about somebody who was born into prominence and is beloved by her peers? I have no reason whatsoever to care about somebody with no discernible character flaws. 

 

Hell, I'd like Rutan to be the main character. At least he's got a lot more going on for him as a character. He's an outsider with a chip on his shoulder. He has a desire to prove his worth to a society that doesn't trust him or his family. He'd be vastly more interesting to read. 

 

Also, why doesn't he just use the word 'dagger' over "dagon"? There's no reason to use pretentious jargon when you're discussing a dagger.