Nintendo Power’s latest issue has confirmed that Jet Set Radio star Gum will be joining the cast in Sonic & All Stars Racing Transformed.
GoNintendo reports that the first review of the Wii version of Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games is featured in the latest issue of US magazine Nintendo Power. No excerpts have been given, but the publication has scored the game 7.0/10, which is the same score they gave to Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games and .5 lower than the score they gave to the first game in the series Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games.
The November issue of Nintendo Power is available at US retailers and newsstands now.
The November issue of Nintendo Power is making its way into readers’ hands and inside is a preview of the Nintendo 3DS version of Sonic Generations that reveals Tropical Resort as a stage in the game. SSMB member speedfreak says the preview contains screenshots that show it’s not a recreation of the level seen in the DS version of Sonic Colours, but of the Wii version of the game. It now appears those hoping for some handheld stages to return in this version of Sonic Generations are out of luck.
We now know six of the seven stages in the Nintendo 3DS version. We expect SEGA will reveal the last in the next few weeks as we get closer to the game’s release November 22nd in the US and November 25th in Europe.
Source: Nintendo Power
Thanks to speedfreak at the SSMB for the heads up!
As revealed yesterday, copies of the new issue of Nintendo Power have been delivered to subscribers, which unveil a Nintendo 3DS version of Sonic’s big 20th Anniversary game Sonic Generations. Details from the issue have been shared by Sonic Retro forum member Effexor, and it appears this version of the game will be very unique and not just a port.
Here’s all of the main details:
* The Nintendo 3DS version is being co-developed by Sonic Team and Dimps.
* The director of the 3DS version is Tetsu Katano, who directed Sonic and the Black Knight.
* 2D side-scrolling gameplay for both Classic Sonic and Modern Sonic.
* Momentum based gameplay and platforming are fully featured in the Classic Sonic gameplay.
* Modern Sonic plays a lot like the Sonic Rush games and Nintendo DS version of Sonic Colours.
* Nintendo 3DS version will have exclusive stages and boss stages.
* Green Hill Zone will be the only shared stage in both the HD console version and Nintendo 3DS version.
* Casino Night Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is confirmed for the Nintendo 3DS version.
* Story has some differences between the console and Nintendo 3DS versions, but will be fundamentally the same.
* Console version will have many characters, but the Nintendo 3DS version will only feature the ones who are integral to the story.
* There is no Wii version. Sonic Team head Takashi Iizuka says this is because “The primary goal for the console versions of Generations was reimagining the series’s classic zones in vivid, high-definition graphics.”
* Sonic the Hedgehog 3‘s Launch Base Zone ‘Big Arm’ boss fight is in the game, which suggests that stage is also in the game.
* Classic Eggman appears in the above mentioned boss.
* Exclusive to the Nintendo 3DS version are challenges that you can unlock via StreetPass or Play Coins.
* The game also features an exclusive two-player race mode via local wireless connection.
* Modern Sonic stages take advantage of the 3D feature more than the Classic Sonic stages. An example shown and detailed is a part in the Green Hill Zone where Modern Sonic smashes through the bottom of a giant totem pole. The camera then moves to the front of Sonic and lets you see the rest of the pole collapse behind Sonic as he escapes.
* The 3D depth is also highlighted when Modern Sonic occasionally moves between the foreground and the background.
* Jun Senoue and his music team are working on the music for the game.
* Nintendo Power thinks the handful of tracks they’ve heard so far are “fantastic”.
* Special Stages are confirmed and are designed in Sonic Heroes style. As expected, you earn Chaos Emeralds from these stages. Whether or not Super Sonic will be your reward for earning all Chaos Emeralds is unclear right now.
For more information, screenshots and interviews with Takashi Iizuka and Jun Senoue, pick up a copy of Nintendo Power when it hits retailers later this week.
Thanks to Blue Blood for the heads up!
Note: Links to scans are not permitted, so please keep them out of the comments section. Any comments with links to scans will be edited/deleted.
The above alleged front cover of Nintendo Power’s upcoming issue has hit the net, which if real confirms past retailer and SEGA earnings report listings for Sonic Generations on Nintendo 3DS. At the moment though there are no scans of the article, just the magazine cover, and while we can’t post article scans here, if we see anything more we’ll update with all of the details.
Source: Neuro at Ninstation forums
Thanks to Hero of Legend at the SSMB and damnhedge in the TSS comments for the heads up!
Earlier today, TSSZ reported that the latest issue of Nintendo Power hints at a new Nintendo-specific Sonic game being mentioned in next month’s issue. They don’t go into any specifics, we do know that there’s already a Mario and Sonic preview in this issue so it cancels that out as a possibility. It could be Sonic Generations on Wii, a new 3DS Sonic title, or something else entirely. Guess we’ll have to wait until early June to find out.
Sonic Team bossman Takashi Iizuka is a lovable chap in person, but gosh does he say the darndest things. He’s like an adorable grandpa that sometimes spouts politically incorrect slurs that would only be acceptable in the 1970s.
Recently, he demonstrated this again in an interview with Nintendo Power, where he was asked to elaborate on the rather wonky physics of Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1. Take it away, Papa Iizuka:
NP: We enjoyed [Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1], but the physics felt a bit off compared to the Genesis games. Is that something you’ll look to tweak in future episodes?
TI: In this title, we have not done a straight port of the gameplay [from the Genesis games], but rather updated it with actions which could not be done in the previous titles, like ceiling-running. These changes probably made for a different feel to the longtime Sonic fans. We’re happy for feedback like this, and we’ll make sure we can improve the quality even further in upcoming titles.
Make of that what you will – all I’ll say is “Keep on shinin’, Iizuka. Keep on shinin’.”
Nintendo Power has posted some preview pages for the next issue of their magazine. Two of the pages shared are a preview of both versions of Sonic Colours, which reveals new information about the game that we’ve listed for you below.
* The Purple Wisp transforms Sonic into a “berserker that chomps through anything in its path”
* Asteroid Coaster Zone is revealed, with the following description. “Run on a Saturn-like planet’s rings, deal with reversed gravity and toxic green goo.”
* The Wii version contains six Acts per zone, some short and some long and one boss, while the DS version contains 2 lengthy Acts per zone and one boss.
* Aswell as the previously revealed Sonic Simulator, where you can play co-op with a friend, you can also “challenge every level in sequence via the Egg Shuttle”.
* The DS version has a Time Attack mode and also allows you to compete against friends locally or over Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection.
Overall, the preview is very positive, with their only complaint being the “cringe-inducing jokes” in the cutscenes. You can check out the preview in full, with a few new screenshots at Nintendo Power’s website.
Thanks to PC the Hedgehog at the SSMB for the heads-up!
Nintendo Power magazine reveal this month in an indepth interview that SEGA sound director and Crush 40 guitarist Jun Senoue will be sound directing Sonic Colours for the Nintendo Wii. The interview also goes into detail about Senoue’s past, his musical influences, how he became involved with SEGA…and again there is another attempt to learn about Michael Jackson’s involvement in Sonic 3!
To check out the full interview pick up this month’s issue of Nintendo Power and check out their Power Profiles section!
Props to Shadzter and Hero of Legend on the SSMB for the heads up!
In the previous issue of Nintendo Power, various game developers opinions on Nintendo 3DS were gathered and among them was Takashi Iizuka, producer at Sonic Team.
Takashi Izuka – Producer, Sonic Team:
“At Sonic Team, we’re already studying the Nintendo 3DS. We’re very interested in the platform. We think the depth of 3D could really help the sense of speed, especially when you’re playing Sonic from behind-the-back perspective.”
Fans may recall a document that hit the net, confirming SEGA’s planned Super Monkey Ball and Sonic the Hedgehog titles for the handheld, but SEGA has yet to announce or show anything officially. Iizuka’s comment is only based on concepts, but would you like a handheld Sonic game with a “behind-the-back perspective” like Sonic Unleashed and Sonic Colours? Discuss in the comments.
The latest issue of Nintendo Power magazine is now available on newsstands in the U.S. and inside is a preview of Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1. The demo they got to play was of a new build, one which contains all acts and boss battles in Lost Labyrinth Zone and Mad Gear Zone. Nintendo Power says Lost Labyrinth Zone is heavily inspired by Sonic 1’s Labyrinth Zone with familiar elements, such as “endlessly looping waterfall mazes, pulley-based moving platforms, retracting spikes, and underwater segments that require you to grab air bubbles before you run out of oxygen.” Reaffirmed is the removal of the infamous mine cart stage and the torch mechanic put in its place, though nothing more is revealed than what’s is obvious in the screenshots, like lighting sconces to take down obstacles which block your path.
Nintendo Power also details two new features seen in the recent screenshots, including the orb that Sonic is standing on and a boulder that Sonic is running from. Sonic must keep his balance while the orb follows a specially designed track and other sections will see him be chased by giant boulders that fall out of the sky, requiring quick reactions. Nintendo Power also inform us that players will also have to escape a giant wall that threatens to crush you, while the stage fills with water.
In their playthrough of Mad Gear Zone, Nintendo Power compares the stage to most end of game stages in the Sonic series, “hard edged industrial stages full of steampunk-style machinery that practically screams you’re on the bad guys’ home turf.” The stage is said to not only contain stage mechanics that you’ll recognise such as pneumatic transportation tubes, steam geysers and giant pistons, but also some new ones. Sonic will have to run on top of cogs, some will help move Sonic to new areas, while other cogs will open heavy metal doors.
Nintendo Power states the difficulty increases significantly for the third Act of Mad Gear Zone, where an enormous drill machine chases Sonic in a similar fashion to the giant wall from Lost Labyrinth Zone. While the machine pursues Sonic, Nintendo Power says “you must leap spikes, hit switches, and dodge momentum-reversing blasts.” Sounds like it’s quite the challenge. Nintendo Power also reveals that players can choose to play the game’s four zones in any order they like.
The preview doesn’t mention anything in terms of any of the tweaks to physics, running animation, acceleration etc that SEGA of America’s Ruby Eclipse spoke of recently, but it does come with five new screenshots of the Lost Labyrinth Zone. To check out the screenshots and the full preview, pick up a copy of Nintendo Power issue 259 at your local newsstand.
Thanks to SSMB member Doctor Eggman for the info!
U.S. magazine Nintendo Power has grabbed some time for a chat about Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1 with renowned music artist Jun Senoue. Jun, as some of you will know, is providing the music for this new 2D entry in the series like he did with the last games in the classic series with Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Sonic & Knuckles. In the interview, we see that maximum effort has been made to give Sonic 4’s soundtrack a classic and fun feel, even to the point that a Genesis/Mega Drive development kit would have been used if the right tech were available. Now THAT is dedication!
Thanks to Chaosmaster8753 at the SSMB, who grabbed a copy of the magazine, we have the interview in text form below –
Nintendo Power: What was your reaction when you first heard that Sonic the Hedgehog 4 was finally going to happen after more than 15 years?
Jun Senoue: Takashi Iizuka and I worked together for a long time-from Sonic Adventure through NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams. Before that, the first Sonic game either of us ever worked on was Sonic the Hedgehog 3. So we first met…I think it was 17 years ago now. Anyway, he came to me one day out of the blue and told me that we were going to do a classic Sonic game again! At that moment, we didn’t know yet if it was going to be called Sonic the Hedgehog 4. But from the beginning, he wanted me to compose the music in the same style as the classic Genesis games. Both he and I were really excited about the project and had a lot of fun working on it.
NP: How did you change or adapt your musical style for this return to the classic-style Sonic?
JS: Due to hardware limitations of the Genesis, we could only work with a certain number of notes and a certain number of sounds. Sonic the Hedgehog 4 is a game for current consoles, but I tried to compose the tracks the old-fashioned way. I went back to the basics. I didn’t actually go back and use the old FM sound tapes, but I tried to compose with as few notes as I could. I went about it largely the same way I did with the music for the Genesis. Actually, I did try to dig up a development kit for the Genesis. But it requires an old Japanese PC from NEC-not a very common PC-and I couldn’t find one of those. So all I could do was sample some sounds from the original Sonic.
NP: What was your approach to creating the sound for the various zones in the game?
JS: Splash Hill Zone is the first level in the game and it’s very similar to the opening levels in the original Sonic the Hedgehog 1 and Sonic 2. So I wanted the music to be similar; the key word was “fun”. Likewise, the second level is a casino-themed world, so I tried to draw from Sonic 2’s Casino Night Zone. And I think the special stage music in Sonic the Hedgehog 4 will remind you of the original game’s special stage. I tried to compose the songs with a similar beat or similar tempo to the first two games in the series. I want players to get the same kind of impression.
NP: Do you have a favorite track that you’ve composed for the game?
JS: I’d say the opening level of Splash Hill Zone. When I saw the game for the very first time, that track just came to me immediately. [Sonic Team director Toshiyuki] Nagahara really dislikes that song, though. He wanted me to compose a new one, but it was important to me, so I didn’t change it. [Laughs] I also really like the music for the first level of Mad Gear Zone.
NP: Since Sonic the Hedgehog 3 was the first game in the franchise that you worked on, does it feel like things have sort of come first circle now with Sonic 4?
JS: Absolutely. There are people I work with now who played Sonic 3 when they were very young children! That’s pretty amazing to me.
Thanks again to chaosmaster8753 at the SSMB for the heads up!
UPDATE: Photo’s of the issue of Nintendo Power from shadowthehedgehog are doing the rounds and they confirm the reports he gave earlier that we quoted. Looking at the screenshots the DS version appears to be very much like Rush 3 with the tension gauge(with added Wisp holder), Sonic’s model, the level designs and familiar enemies. The Wii version looks very much like Sonic Unleashed Wii/PS2 with it’s own gauge(that contains a Wisp holder) that and similar HUD but graphically looks better with prettier level designs. Two screens show Wisp powers in action on the Wii version and reveal their powers use the energy in your gauge.
Due to copyright we can’t post the scans here but the magazine will be out 8th June to buy though it can currently be picked up from some stores now according to reports. Thanks to shadowthehedgehog at Find The Computer Room Forums for providing the pics!
Long time member of Find The Computer Room Forum shadowthehedgehog claims to have an early subscription copy of Nintendo Power’s next issue due out 8th June which we reported to contain a huge 6 page Sonic Colours preview. shadowthehedgehog has posted up some details from the preview which you can read in the below quotes –
Thanks to my awesomeness I have read the issue of Nintendo Power featuring the game:
The game looks pretty nice, think of it as a prettier looking version of the Wii version of Unleashed, the two zones that were featured were Sweet Mountain zone, and Tropical Reservoir zone, and the former is a mountain of pastries, the said they wanted to include the crazy level designs from the old games, which is fine by me. It also said that in the 3D sections it will focus more on running from A-B akin to the Daytime stages of Unleashed, while the 2D sections will be more for platforming.
The DS version, can easily be called Sonic Rush 3, it looks exactly like those games, even the tension gauge is there, they said it would be similar to the Wii version.
Tails appears in the story but Sonic will be the only playable, they said the story is simple, light, and goofy, which is fine by me. Knuckles, and Shadow may also make an appearance in the game.
If someone has scans, please show them, because seeing it, is better than me explaining it.
Oh and Eggmanland makes a return, Yaaayyyy.
Last time I checked the storybook games didn’t have platforming, and there will be platforming.
Also there’s a level with giant Cheeseburgers.
I’m being serious, its really there, you also bounce off jello.
No scans or photo’s are provided so take this as rumour for now but if true it sure sounds like we’re getting a return of some of the wacky and fun levels we’ve come to expect from the 2D Sonic games, only this time they will be in part 3D for the Wii version at least. We’ll let you know when we see some confirmation of these details and more.
Thanks to spiny blue at the SSMB for the heads up!
Nintendo Power subscriber Illuminou_Orb over at the SSMB has just received the latest issue and has kindly scanned up the promised Sonic 4 interview which as an added bonus also contains plenty of new screenshots from Splash Hill Zone. The interview with Takashi Iizuka confirms fan favourite Jun Senoue will be the music director for this game so we know the music is in very good hands.
Thanks to Illuminous_Orb for providing the scans at the SSMB.
More info from the same NeoGAF member –
Some more info…
While Sonic 4 will have shields, Episode 1 will only include the one hit shield. Just enough to help get your rings to the end of the stage.
Izuka says the reason they went episodic is that the game is too big to smaller hard drives (Wii and iPhone likely?) to fit in all at once and he didn’t see players paying $60 for a 2-D Sonic game on disc. (Hellllooo. New Super Mario Bros Wii anyone?!!)
Thanks to Dusk the Biohazard Keeper at the SSMB for the heads up.
UPDATE 2: Game Informer screenshots confirm the reports at NeoGAF and also reveal tunnels from the classic series are back thanks to JasonTheJackass for sending us the screenshots.
UPDATE: We’ve got word in that Game Informer magazine also have a Sonic 4 interview with Takashi Iizuka according to a member at NeoGAF who claims to have a copy –
Game Informer interviewed Izuka who gave some new info on the game. Highlights include..
What about Tails and Knuckles you ask? “Fans will be very pleased with the cast in episode 2.”
Episode 1 is a prologue.
Moves include: Spin Dash, Rolling Attack, homing attack and a new move yet unknown.
About homing attack: “I wanted the user to enjoy an easy-to-play feeling by the attack sequence that this [homing attack] allows, and find the fun routes in the air.”
Classic special stages make a return.
Hornet Badnik. (Forget his name. Not Buzzbomber) Shown in screen shots.
Other screenshot shows Sonic smash though a wall that becomes a bunch of checkered bricks.
Another screenshot shows Sonic grabbing a handrail which goes across a wire. (Very Advance)XP
No floaty LBP physics. Classic Sonic Gameplay, classic Sonic speed. Says Izuka.
Not 3-D, but all CG pre-render.
Gamers will get classic “try again” ending if not successful at getting all emeralds. If you get all emeralds, you get cliffhanger ending for episode 2.
“If Sonic 4’s return to form (there they go again. ) is the Sonic experience you have been waiting 16 years for, then we strongly encourage you to try this.”
Thanks to Doctor Eggman at the SSMB and JasontheJackass in this articles comments for the heads up.
According to subscribers of Nintendo Power the U.S. official Nintendo magazine the latest issue contains an interview about Sonic 4 but no details further than that have been given as of yet. A scan of the magazine cover supports the fact it does indeed contain something Sonic 4 related. If you have the issue we’d appreciate it if you could send us any new information revealed to email@example.com and we’ll credit you in this article.
In other news the magazine has reviewed Sonic Classic Collection for DS and given it a score of 7/10.
Nintendo Power have just released their preview of Sonic Classic Collection in their latest issue (#252) and give an expectedly straightforward preview. It mentions everything that you thought that it would, thanks to the recent string of media that hit the net last week. One thing that sticks out is the preview’s mention of “framerate issues.” Nintendo World Report’s preview also made light of hiccups in the collection’s framerate.
What has yet to be determined is whether these framerate issues are old or new. Yeah, when you had a lot of rings and lost them all, for instance, the originals chugged, but are there new framerate issues as a result of porting? We will find out soon enough.
Check out the scanned image of the preview below:
We’ve just had word that Nintendo Power’s new issue is out and in it they have reviews for both Wii and DS versions of Sonic & SEGA All Stars Racing. According to GoNintendo reader Nez the magazine has given the Wii version an 8/10 and the DS version a 6/10. GamesMaster magazine put their reviews out on Tuesday where the game got scores around the same area with Xbox 360/PS3 version earning an 83%, Wii version also got an 83% and DS version a lower 70% score.
If you have this new issue of Nintendo Power and can confirm the scores let us know in the comments.
Nintendo Power have previewed the Wii & DS versions of Sonic & SEGA All Stars Racing and have also received a few new screenshots of both versions. Nintendo Power re-affirm their earlier confirmation of a Space Channel 5 character presence in the game, no specific character is mentioned but our bets are on Ulala the star of that series. No new information is revealed unfortunately but its always nice to have a look at how the game is looking on the Wii & DS with so much attention always on the HD versions.
Check out the article below(Click thumbnail to enlarge).
Thanks to Emerl over at the SSMB for the scan.
Nintendo Power has recently released a Poster Book in the US and Canada containing 4 posters featuring Sonic the Hedgehog. The posters which can be seen below come from a number of previously released Sonic games for Nintendo consoles such as Sonic Chronicles, Sonic Unleashed, Sonic & The Black Knight and the yet to be released Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Winter games. The book can be found in all good news stands costing $9.99 in the US and $12.99 in Canada.
Thanks go to KIRBY of the SSMB for the story, scans and pricing info for Canada as well as mikeblastdude for the pricing info for the US.
The latest Nintendo Power (#240) has some new information and images of the upcoming sequel to the popular summer Olympiad game that the two iconic characters competed at this past holiday season. The issue talked about some of the sports that Mario & Sonic will be participating in later this year in Vancouver, such as alpine skiing, bobsledding, and speed skating. In addition to the titular characters, all characters that participated in Beijing will be returning for the Winter Olympics, in addition to some new faces. If you ever wanted to see a purple, morbidly obese cat ride a skeleton luge, this game may make that dream come true.
Co-Op and competitive multiplayer will be available for the Wii version, while the DS will only receive the latter. The Wii version will also put your unused Wii Balance Board to use. When it comes to the DS, you might want to invest in some screen protectors for this game. All that rubbin’ and scratchin’ will obliterate your touch screen.
Oh, and here are some scans, I guess:BlueBlur]
Naoto Oshima deserves far more credit for the Sonic the Hedgehog series than he ever got during his employment at SEGA Enterprises. The creator of the Sonic character, he has also directed many games and headed projects at Sonic Team, including NiGHTS Into Dreams with Yuji Naka and Sonic CD. He left SEGA shortly after Sonic Adventure, and his lack of presence showed even in Sonic Adventure 2. Forming Artoon though has been a rocky ride for the guy who wants to be the “Walt Disney” of video games, with the amicable Blinx his first non-SEGA creation following the lacklustre Pinobee and questionable sequels to Yoshi’s Island. It’s been an undeserved fall from grace for the poor guy.
Nintendo Power have an interview with the game designer/creator, and about his history in the video game industry. It’s a real interesting read, and Oshima comes across as a really humble guy, taking on all sorts of roles to get a feel for every aspect of game design. One of the ‘original three’ that most fans really count in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise – the other two being programmer Yuji Naka and level designer Hirokazu Yasuhara – he says that he feels best when he’s designing stuff for games. This is in parallel to Naka’s admission to fancying more of a ‘hands on’ approach to making games, shortly before he left Sonic Team to form his own studio.
Other interesting nuggets include his role in Sonic Spinball – he designed the pinball maps for the game, which regardless of your opinion of the spinoff Mega Drive game are pretty decent maps – his entrusting of Sonic’s modern design to Yuji Uekawa from Sonic Adventure onwards (“I think he did a great job”) and lends more credibility to the theory that Sonic CD and Sonic the Hedgehog 2 are practically two odds to the same project (“Naka [was sent] to America [to work on] the Genesis version, which… left me to develop the CD version in Japan”).
Naoto Oshima Interview In Nintendo Power – SSMB (thanks NintendoBrad)
Fellow Sonic fan-site Blue Blur have got a copy of the new issue of Nintendo Power and have scanned up some Sonic and the Black Knight screenshots and artwork. They have also typed up all the info Sonic Team were willing to reveal which is as follows –
- Developed by the same people as Sonic and the Secret Rings
- ”This time, a sorceress named Merlina summons Sonic to the mythical realm of King Arthur, but it seems the fabled monarch has somehow been corrupted and now rules the land as the tyranical Black Knight.”
- Uses a similar storybook device as Secret Rings
- ”As Sonic runs along, a simple flick of the Wii remote will execute a basic slash, which is enough to dispatch most low-level grunts.”
- More advanced swordplay consists of the ability to thrust, parry, and even pull off a buzz-saw maneuver midjump.
- ”During out demo, we saw the hedgehog leap from a high precipice, then thrust the blade into a wall to slow his decent, sparks flying impressivly as steel cut through brick”
- ”Combat is integrated in such a way that most of the time you can slice through any who stand in your path without even slowing down”
- Sonic is controlled with the Control Stick. Continue reading Sonic and the Black Knight: New Info
Words cannot express how pissed off I am right now. This “leaked” Nintendo Power cover better be a hilarious prank. Knowing SEGA, though, I doubt that it is.
Svend: “Dear SEGA…
EDIT: Whoever scanned this cover is obviously unaware of the rules of the Internets, so we removed his name and address where necessary. Can we learn how to do this in future so we don’t end up having to do proper work? (EDIT 2: This was a joke at ourselves and not at the awesome dude who originally scanned this page. We had to write this disclaimer because several retards kept assuming we were taking the piss out of the poor chap.)