What's the Point of Taking Things Away?

[JaidynReiman]

^ Mmm... kinda of a good point, though I do admit that not -all- parents care for your well-being. I wish I could say most, but I don't even know if that's the case.

However, that generally is what the case is, and by spending all your time playing games and the like, you're not going to get far. Of course, you -can- do that if you -really- want to, but wouldn't you rather spend your time being productive, to show at least SOME meaning to your life? (And I'm not going to rant about my own beliefs; I'm just talking about a general situation here.)

Me? I enjoy playing games, but I definitely have greatly pulled back in gaming. I'm trying to find other things to do; trying to pursue my own development and interests, so that I can become more prosperous in the future and perhaps try and help others do the same. If you're not prosperous, you can't possibly hope to help others to be, either.

Discipline may not be wanted, but in most cases it does help, especially if you're raised correctly. Not everyone is the same, though, so it may not necessarily work all the time in the exact same manner, but the correct form of discipline should still help.

EDIT: My reply was to Indigo Rush, but that's a good point as well, Flyboy Fox. Having high grades isn't what matters, though it certainly helps. The point is to try your best, and unfortunately, most students nowadays simply don't try (quite likely because they are forced to do something that don't want to do; I frankly don't think that school should be mandatory, but optional, while still definitely promoted as something you should do).

Edited May 15, 2009 by UltimaHedgie

[Indigo Rush]

I dropped out of school when I was 14, yet I'm in University now.

Combine that with a twin-tailed tatoo and an awesome Sonic collection, this makes you my absolute favorite mod here.

[Flyboy Fox]

I know, I'm awesome, aren't I? (Haha, seriously, thanks!)

On topic, my father used to whack me with the metal end of his belt, and my mother used to take my internet away. Of the two, I have by FAR the better relationship with my mother. I know it's different for each family, but being denied my privilages (and yes, they're privilages, not rights) worked far better than learning to fear a painful outcome if I misbehaved or didn't do well.

[Indigo Rush]

Oh yeah, well my parents would slice me in half with a knife!!

[SuperLink]

When I was younger I had my MegaDrive removed from me for a good few years, because I fought and fought with my brother over it, I didn't understand discipline, etc etc.

When I got to play games again I was very grateful. I still argue with my brother about them now and again, but we're more likely to bond over games than fight over them. Plus gaming has acually encouraged my academic studies. Because of them I'm very keen with computers, which led me to using forums to chat with other gamers, which led my to drastically improve my spelling, grammar and structuring skills. So it's thanks to gaming that Im so strong in English really.

These things are personally relative. It's worked for my friend, even though he's still annoyed for having games banned. Before the ban he was getting too many Cs and Ds, now he's getting Bs and As, you get the picture. Obviously it's not going to work with everyone, but it works.

[Mollfie]

wtf I hope people are sensationalising. No one is allowed to hit you, it's abuse O__O

I personally think that if you have to hit your kids, even just a 'little smack', you've lost control and can't cope, you need help. I can't stand people who will hit kids.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Mollfie

[Indigo Rush]

wtf I hope people are sensationalising. No one is allowed to hit you, it's abuse O__O

I personally think that if you have to hit your kids, even just a 'little smack', you've lost control and can't cope, you need help. I can't stand people who will hit kids.

There's a difference between abuse and discipline. I thank my lovely dad to this day for whacking my rear with a ruler. I very well deserved it.

I don't however thank my stepdad for spitting in my face, trying to yank my ear off and wrestling me to the ground. Thatis abuse.

[Mollfie]

Not to me there isn't, Indigo. You do not need to hit kids to make them respect you or do as you say.

[Hawkz]

The whole removal of the console thing is just some queer perception of "Good = rewards, Bad = loss of material objects".

When I was a young little bugger back in the day, if I was good, I would get rewarded, and if I was bad, I got punished. Parents were just using corrective behaviour. I see nothing wrong with it to be honest. It works both ways.

Before Dad left, if I was naughty, I would get a flogging. Extension cords, cane, belts, punches, wooden spoon, cigarette burns and missed meals. It was shit, and at the time I loathed the old man for it. After he bailed, Mum was a lot less intense. I would not be allowed to go out, things got confiscated etc. Looking back, the old man might have abused me, but now I understand why. I know the pain. I felt the pain. Pain blew epic horse cock. Now, I hate seeing other people in pain, and I do my best to make sure pain can be avoided by others. Sometimes I cause pain to others to help friends (Cronulla Race Riots! W00T!). But I get what he was showing me. I guess I kinda thank him for... "educating" me, but I reckon if we met again and he tried that shit, I would drop him without a seconds thought.

The reason why your folks are punishing you, my guessing is, they are prepping you for job life.

If you don't perform at your place of work, you get fired. If you do well at work, you get noticed, and get advantages like promotions, pay rises, holidays, company rewards. It's more or less a way of showing you that concentrating and doing well at things will reward you, but not doing well will result in consequences. It is true, world does not end after high school. You can get crappy grades and still have a wholesome life afterwards. However, depending on well you do in high school also unlocks doors for you which are shortcuts in life. Do well in school, get a scholarship. Hell, who doesn't want free college or university?! But if you do not do well at school, you won't have as many advantages, and will have to work harder to get what you want. I for one can attest Uni fees are devastating.

It is a shitty way to look at it, knowing that society perceives your test scores as the be all and end all of your intelligence. Someone might be shit at science but be an epic micro manager. Chances are if you kick ass at RTS', you can manage a lot of shit, depending of course if you understand what is required to be done and overseen while in that management role.

Point I am trying to make is, it sucks, yes. No doubts there, but you will come to understand what your grandma is trying to say. Gotta remember, grandma probably grew up in 40's or 50's. Grandma probably got her ass handed to her as a kid too. Probably her way of doing the same thing, except she is doing it lightly. Instead of getting your ass kicked, she is taking away something from you. Trying to make you see, if you work hard, you get to keep the things you desire. Start to get poor scores and perform badly, and it gets taken away.

This is me speaking, but I would be worried about those test scores if I was your parent. Like I said, world doesn't end at high school, it only begins, but school is training for life (well, most life skills anyway). You might need tutoring help or something, but receiving all F's on your score card. Man, I would be worried. If kids are bullying you at school, ignoring them is the best way to go about it.

Trying harder. Yes, gaming is a good stress relief, but you are doing 2 times more gaming than studying. You even said it yourself a few posts back. You come home, game, study, eat dinner, game more then bed... MOAR studying required than just 2 hours a night. Especially if you want to get higher test scores.

Talk it out with your parents broski. Best way to go about it. Parents might seem like they exist just to drill your life, but trust me, they want whats best for your future.

[Random Rhyme]

On topic, my father used to whack me with the metal end of his belt, and my mother used to take my internet away. Of the two, I have by FAR the better relationship with my mother. I know it's different for each family, but being denied my privilages (and yes, they're privilages, not rights) worked far better than learning to fear a painful outcome if I misbehaved or didn't do well.

Speaking of this

I don't want to turn the mood into a sad one so I'll give out some info to gave a basic idea of I went through with this. My parents hit me allot when I was younger (Mainly my dad but my mom did have her share) and it ranged from grades most of all since I didn't drink becasue I'm not into Alcohol, I never did drugs becasue I don't need it to live and I am a peaceful person so fighting wasn't my thing. My parents are lucky though because the influences that I had could of put me into a full on bad kid, but by luck they avoided all of that thanks to my peaceful nature and a bit to my faith. My parents finding rarely a reason to punish me decided that grades would be their ticket. I got hit with allot of stuff that would be a perfect example of abuse, but as I said I won't go into detail since it wasn't a pretty sight and anybody who I told it to without holding back any detail was surprised that I didn't go insane and end up killing my parents and it almost made me do some "extreme" things that could have allot of crazy consequences. I look back now and I am anything, but thankful and it did has allot of bad effects on my social life which even up until this day is still recovering.

So take it from somebody who knows, hitting is not the best way to discipline a child and it might turn into a motivation for them to take out their anger on other people, commit suicide, run away and many other consequences.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Shade737

[JezMM]

I think the best kind of discipline for kids is taking away privelages rather than giving out punishment.

Under no circumstance should you ever hit a child. They're people and should be respected, just as they respect should respect you. I wouldn't hit anyone of course. Parent-child relationships should be built on love, not fear.

Reward children and praise them when they're good, don't reward them when they're bad, and tell them how dissapointed you are in them.

My story is this:

For the majority of my childhood, I was raised by my Mum and Step-Dad, a man into all things "lad" like football, beer and all that. My Mum is a lovely person, but when she said I could do something, and my Step-Dad didn't, she'd always agree with my Step-Dad instantly.

On the other hand, I would see my real Dad about 6 times a year, for between 1 and 6 weeks at a time (one for half term and six for summer holidays) my real Dad is into music and theatre and would never hurt a fly, and would ride a train for four hours everyday so he could go to work at a good job in London which paid a really good wage for me and my bro, and my Mum (who eventually left him because he was never around), and he continued to do this until about a year ago, paying my Mum money for me and my brother.

I've never ever caused trouble for my Dad, but I've never seen him do anything more than shout at my brother. When I first started to live with my Step-Dad, I'd do generic naughty things like draw on the walls etc. My Step-Dad would spank me for this, and anything else vaguely out-of-line (he even smacked my brother across the face once for making him late for work and then telling him to calm down).

See if you can guess which one I love seeing whenever I can, and which one I'll forever secretly resent and will specifically request to my Mum that he does not turn up at my wedding one day?

Point is, if someone tries to touch you in a place or a way that makes you feel uncomfortable (in this case "touching" being at high speed or with an object, and "feeling uncomfortable" being "feeling painful), that's no fucking good.

Nights: I can't really offer any advice that Mollfie hasn't. I think your 360 being taken away wasn't a bad punishment, but if you're having all these troubles, I think you should worry a bit more about those. I hope everything works out though.

Edited May 15, 2009 by JezMM

[DarkOverord]

When I was younger and at school I did very well but if I ever did something "wrong" (i.e. told a big lie or whatever) my mum would punish me but it wouldn't be taking things away from me, it would be "bed without supper", a slap or I need to do chores for a week and on top of the initial punishment I'd get a "talking to".

I wouldn't say I was raised strictly because I was raised fairly, if I fucked up I got taught a lesson. Simple as. Your parents are trying their best to teach you that if you start failing left right and centre you are not going to get nice things. In their eyes why should you get nice things when they aren't getting the pleasure of seeing you succeed?

Hey, do your parents know my mum. They seem to have the same values.

Actually, I did get spankings a lot when I was 8 and under. Every time I misbehaved I got like 10 spankings in a row. Which hurt a lot.

8? I STILL got clouted at 18 for misbehaving.

But the thing is, I normally tend to get BETTER grades on tests by NOT studying.

nonononononononononono I FELL INTO THAT TRAP AND COMPLETLY FLUNKED MY A-LEVELS D:

EDIT:But I think my parents got overboard with the grades. They check my grades every half hour on the internet and talk about homework and grades the WHOLE day. I think they get a bit TOO paranoid with my grades. I mean seriously, checking my grades every HALF HOUR.

...Okay. Yeah. THAT'S Paranoid. Mum just checked my grades once a half term >.>

EDIT:My mom doesn't want me to leave home till I am about 21 years old. I think she is going over the top.

Once you hit 18 she has no rights to say you have to live at home. But that's rather extreme.

You can mess up at school and still do well in life, but the point is you have to TRY. If school isn't working for you, but you've tried your best, then there are other avenues after you leave. But you need to have the right ethic.

I dropped out of school when I was 14, yet I'm in University now.

Kudos to you. Bloody kudos. I've never known anyone like you. Congrats dude =D

I'm gonna have to apologise for going off-topic here but I'd really prefer not to let this little point go without responding to it XP. The fact that exam grades are viewed as such essential foundations for a future in society is less to do with the reality of it and more to do with the sort of narrow view society has these days. Poor areas in particular are awash with a sense of hopelessness that's so ingrained it's barely seen as abnormal. People are accustomed to failure and their position in society and high grades are seen as the only way out. There are many ways to live and be happy, it's just a matter of circumstance and the values prevailent today that lend special importance to academic achievement. What is viewed as successful in these times is unattainable by the majority, which is where the real problem starts.

I agree that doing well is indeed important and it opens doors for you and makes life easier, that is certainly true, but viewing success at school as the be-all and end-all is just a consequence of our current values and economic system rather than an objective view on life.

But the problem is now. That even jobs viewed as the "worse of the worse" (That a British person will do) actually require you to have a basic GCSE =/

I think Roarey makes a good point. Plus going to University doesn't neccisarily mean that you're intelligent. I've met some really dumb people at Uni, and some very intelligent bin men.

My flatmates pone of those. He's barely in uni and I'm doing 20 hours of Physics a week ffffff

wtf I hope people are sensationalising. No one is allowed to hit you, it's abuse O__O

I personally think that if you have to hit your kids, even just a 'little smack', you've lost control and can't cope, you need help. I can't stand people who will hit kids.

I personally will give my metaphorical nonexsistant kids a clout if they do something wrong. I've seen what happens to parents who have the "no smacking" policy. Their kids run fucking rings round them.

[Vasco]

Can I be honest? I do think it's the right thing to do. It probably will get you to try harder in order to get back to your games. I'm sure you can do it. The best of luck.

[Mollfie]

DarkOverord, I've already said, my parents never punished me. Ever. They've never smacked any of us. We all have the utmost respect for them. I adore my parents.

I don't think that smacking works because you're teaching kids to be afraid of you, not respect you. Also I think it's a confusing lessons for little kids because they're told not to hit others, then when they do something wrong they get a clip round the ear. Why is it ok for adults to hit their kids, but not ok for kids to hit others? Double standards ftw.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Mollfie

[Indigo Rush]

Not to me there isn't, Indigo. You do not need to hit kids to make them respect you or do as you say.

I'm sorry Mollfie, but sometimes there's no other alternative. Yeah, don't beat the kid up or do any real damage. I'm talking a light swap across the fanny or a slap on the wrist, not 40 lashes.

I don't think that smacking works because you're teaching kids to be afraid of you, not respect you.

Not if you explain to them what's going on. And yeah, you don't need to smack them for every little thing. You need to first tell them what they did wrong, why you're punishing them, and have them agree to not do it again. If they disobey, it's another smack. This repeats until they learn that doing X = Bad.

Mollfie, a house with punishment isn't a house of fear. My parents were strict on me, and yet I had a pleasant and fun time going out and eating plenty of sweets. We had a balance of positive and negative reinforcement.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Indigo Rush

[Mollfie]

It's just my opinion. To me, you never need to smack kids. There is always an alternative.

Edited May 15, 2009 by Mollfie

[Indigo Rush]

It's just my opinion. To me, you never need to smack kids.

Opinion respected. It's a nice one too... and I wish kids didn't have to be smacked. (I hated that!) It's just that I have yet to see with my own 2 eyes a world that would function with this.

[DarkOverord]

It's just my opinion. To me, you never need to smack kids. There is always an alternative.

My aunt tries the alternative. She can't control her son. Mum didn't always smack me. It was SERIOUS stuff, like breaking things etc.

Tell me. Child breaks a cup because child picked it up and threw it after being told not to. How do you punish this? Yelling at them has a similar effect to smacking, however, a child would relate this yelling to something less serious that parents often yell about.

In a perfect world it wouldn't be necessary. But sadly it's not. Were you naughty? Or were you just that kid who acted up now and then Mollfie? What about parents who do have kids who seem to have this habit of doing bad things? Please, enlighten us onto how they did punishments =D

Edited May 15, 2009 by DarkOverord

[Mollfie]

I had no reason to be very naughty because my parents let me have a lot of freedom, always talked to me and explained things and always listened to me. But I did misbehave sometimes of course, all kids do because they're pushing boundaries and seeing what they can and can't do. I personally think that if you child misbehaves all the time then there must be a reason for it, and by that I mean that often it's something that's not neccisarily obvious at first, and you should find out what that problem is and deal with it.

I realise that my upbringing is very different to lots of people. I'm not saying don't punish your kids, kids need boundaries and they do need to be told off when they do something wrong. I'm saying that you don't need to smack you kids.

[Pelly <3's U]

Like others have said spanking only teaches your children to fear you and not respect you. Instead of teaching them to not do dangerous/bad things it's going to teach them to not get caught and to lie about doing them so that they don't get punished. Open communication and other forms of punishment such as time outs which are designed to have parents explain to children why their behavior is unacceptable are what are going to actually teach children, a smack is just going to teach them aggression and how to hide things they've done wrong.

Most people spank their children because they feel out of control and powerless and are using the fact that they are bigger and stronger as a way to overcome their own feelings of inadequacy which to me does not sound like a good way to go about raising your children to be successful in the world. Usually the reason children are out of control is a lack of respect for authority figures combined with a simple lack of knowledge and experience, and neither of these things will be corrected by hitting them.

As for the OP, parents work long hours to buy clothes, food, shelter and lots of other things. As a child under your parents roof you are not an independent person because you rely on your parents and thus forth they are in charge of you. It's a system that can be abused but the alternative is to become entirely self reliant as far as finances go and this is not really a realistic situation so unfortunately (of fortunately as the case may be) you are going to have to realise that if you do not live up to your parent's standards then they have every right to take away things from you that they probably worked and paid for. Now videogames may not be the sole source of blame for your failing grades and parents/grandparents may be more likely to judge/label them as evil or other things based on their own lack of understanding but I don't think they were without reason for punishing you. If there are other reasons why you are incapable of passing your classes then you need to communicate with them but in the end you may just have to work harder to earn privileges, this is how it works in the real world so I'd say they are teaching you an important life lesson here.

[Indigo Rush]

Physical discipline doesn't have to replace openness and communication, you know. The two can coexist. It has for the entire existence of the human race.

[DarkOverord]

Physical discipline doesn't have to replace openness and communication, you know. The two can coexist. It has for the entire existence of the human race.

It's how my mother raised me. She told me off when I was naughty. And when it was serious. She gave me a clout. Simple =/ Now I know a lot of my generation DO disagree with this due to their parents smacking them. But sometimes yelling, removing things from them eventually isn't enough.

I had nothing but a bed in my room at one point due to how much of a git I was once D;

[Pelly <3's U]

Physical discipline doesn't have to replace openness and communication, you know. The two can coexist. It has for the entire existence of the human race.

They've existed side by side but not together, violence happens in the absence of reason when you let your emotions take over. If you get in a disagreement with someone and you feel as though you are getting angry and losing control that's when your urge to hurt them comes, but it is not acceptable behavior to do that to another person of your size and stature and I would think it's even less acceptable to do it to someone who is completely defenseless against you. When you hit a child they are going to close down their will to communicate with you lose trust/respect with you which will do more damage then you're going to fix by trying to reason with them later.

Unfortunately a lot of people who were spanked have been conditioned to accept the 'I deserved it' mentality which is the exact same belief that many people who suffer abuse have because it's easier to accept then admitting you were a victim of abuse. Many battered women have this too, trying to reason somewhere that they are at fault for not being able to keep their abusers satisfied and not angry....when in reality it's every persons own responsibility to keep their anger in line and not let their emotions get out of control enough to become violent.

[Indigo Rush]

I'll have you know that, at least for me, whenever I was punished, my father was open to me and explained to me what I did and why I was being spanked. I don't know how everyone else was raised.

I agree that spanking or smacking without a proper explanation or cause is wrong. I don't believe, however, that just taking things away is going to cut it. It never worked for me. It actually made me more rebellious.

And if you ask me, you shouldn't have to smack a child after they turn a higher age like 12 or 13, then you can give harsher punishments like keeping them in their room for a day (with meals and a bathroom break, of course) and taking away privileges like going to the mall or seeing friends. They'll be begging for the ruler in no time.

[DarkOverord]

Unfortunately a lot of people who were spanked have been conditioned to accept the 'I deserved it' mentality which is the exact same belief that many people who suffer abuse have because it's easier to accept then admitting you were a victim of abuse.

I'm sorry but you're saying a kid who's done something REALLY wrong doesn't deserve a punishment? When I did get punished physically I knew I did something wrong. You do it when the kid genuinely deserves it where the incident has gone past words, punishments like removing privileges etc. Not any time they do something wrong, that's where not a lot of you take into account. You seem to group every parent who uses smacking as a punishment together, even though most REASONABLE parents will only use smacking as a last case scenario >.>.

My cousin recently broke my grandads stereo. What punishment did he get? "Don't do that again". What did he go on to do, break something because he got the same punishment he gets when biting or whatever little kids do to warrant that. Unless you're actually really scary when angry then, they're not gonna learn. Hence why my aunts having him run circles round her because she's too soft on him.