Things are bad at The Sonic Stadium. Real bad. The staff members are at war. Over the last week, we have been constantly fighting over one hot topic. A topic that has been so controversial that it makes your eyes burn and your skin itch.
Who will be in Project Needlemouse?
With only five names left to go, tensions are higher than ever with TSS staff. Oh, if only there was some way you could know the sort of arguments we’re having, gentle reader. It’s pandemonium! With each staffer backing a different character, you can just imagine the chaos that’s taking place. Here’s a mere snippet of our conflict:
Guys, guys! Can we please just chill the hell out!?
No way! I think Sonic should be in because he has the most experience at being a Needle pimping mouse!! If it weren’t for him we wouldn’t even have this fanbase, the bunny with the stretchy ears idea? We don’t need any of that, how many game’s has Bugs Bunny starred in huh? Can he curl up in a ball? Sure he can run fast but can he break the sound barrier? No? I didn’t think so. Carrot munching? How about Chilli Dog munching? Now that’s hard core, Sonic’s got one tough belly. Take that you guys!
Hell no, it’s got to be Shadow! I mean think about it, it hasn’t been easy being the “Ultimate Life Form”. His best friend Maria died, he was left to rot in a G.U.N base for 50 years and then there was something about aliens that I’m going to totally ignore. But when it comes right down to it Shadow is a bad-ass and if any character in the Sonic cast will benefit from a back to basics 2D game it’s him.
Forget all of the silliness and remember how cool you felt grinding the bridge in Radical Highway being persued by the news choppers. If you strip back on the stupid back story and concentrate on navigating a level looking as cool as possible then it doesn’t get much cooler than the black and red hedgehog zipping through levels on his rocket skates. That is why Shadow needs to be in Project Needlemouse and if he doesn’t make it, I’ll eat my hat! (Or not, as I don’t own a hat).
Plus being a Sonic re-colour he’ll be easy to fit in knowing know how lazy the Sonic Team are. Oh snap!
I think you guys are WAAAAY off the mark. Everybody loved Vector so much in the Olympic games that SEGA decided they’d made a massive mistake cutting the bling-bling Crocodile from Sonic 1 in the never-to-happen sound test. Needlemouse is supposed to be going back to the oldschool right? I mean REAL oldschool! Then it makes sense they’d put in this guy…nothing would give me more joy than sliding through tight spaces with this dude.
T-Bird, Vector’s not in the running anymore.
Oh. Well, I think you guys are still WAAAAY off the mark. Everybody loved
Vector Amy so much in the Olympic games that SEGA decided they’d made make a massive mistake cutting the bling-bling Crocodile love interest from Sonic 1 Needlemouse in the never-to-happen sound test Shower scene. Needlemouse is supposed to be going back to the oldschool right? I mean REAL oldschool! Then it makes sense they’d put in this guy girl…nothing would give me more joy than sliding through tight spaces with this dude. (edited for younger readers).
T-Bird, Amy’s not in it anymore.
Screw you all then, I reckon it’s Froggy. Why? Sorry, I don’t know. We are simply Na-tur-al.
JayZeach (Radio DJ)
Wait, you can’t do that! I wanted to pick Froggy! He is clearly the best character in the world, small, covert, able to get wherever he wants. It matters not that he was caught in the past because soon, he will…TAKE OVER THE WORLD, mwahahahaha, using his Sidekick Big The Cat as muscle of course.
I’m backing Mr. Needlemouse all the way, because he has a kick-ass website. Go chug one, a-holes.
KNUCKLES, DAMMIT. KNUCKLES THE MOTHER****ING ECHIDNA. HE DON’T NEED TO BE ON NO STINKING LIST. He’ll force his presence into this through the sheer power of echidna!
Billy Bob (from behind the boiler)
Well, good golly gilly gob bam, ah dohn’ kno’ much abaht no Sawnic da Hidgehawg, no’ssir. Ah just com ‘ere ta fix yaw boilah. C’n I pik Boilah Man?
What the-? No, because Boiler Man doesn’t exist. Where the hell did you come from anyway?
No, I mean where in this area have you been hiding all this time?
…Boilah. Ah… Ah fix da boilah.
We need better security in here. Enough of that, I’ve already determined who’s going to win, and it’s certainly none of the losers you losers have picked. Losers. Everybody knows that it’s all about our saviour of the Sonic series, Big the Cat. Goddamn, that cat is pimpin’. Everything you know and love rests within that rotund vessel of consciousness.
Think about it. SEGA could totally remake Sonic the Hedgehog from the Mega Drive, only it will be in HD and instead of Sonic, you have Big the Cat, blanky busting badniks as he cannonballs down hills and destroys half of Eggman’s machines and pinball tables with his ultra-bulk. Think of Buzzbombers in normal Sonic 1 size, and then playing as a sprite three times that size. Because Big is so big, he can be the all-seeing destructor of evil.
The creator. The Alpha. The Omega. The Purple! It’s a…
Dude’s out of his nut, man. Is he going to..?
Oh, it’s a…
He’s going to sing it! Restrain him!!!
OH IT’S A WINDY AND SUNNY DAAAAA-AHHHH!
… Ahem. Sorry about that. Now you know how bad things can get at TSS Towers. This is the dark side of this website, for sure, and I’m glad you don’t get to see most of it. With hours to go until the last names are struck off, it’s a race against time before we all start killing one another in some kind of Pon Farr ritual (except less sexual). Who do you think will be kept in this list, and why? Why!? WHY!? Pledge yourself against one of the final characters, for great justice! And support him in the comments box!
And don’t forget to answer SEGA’s questions (or make the company a trending topic) on Twitter either.