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7 Reasons Why Space Colony ARK Needs Better Security

Just can’t keep dis VIP out.
By Big the Cat, April 1 2016


Space Colony ARK is like some super important facility or something, which had loads of secret military and stuff contained in there for all time. And a lizard. So you think it may be hard for a ninja cat, trained by the masters of fishing fujitsu, to gain access. Especially when there’s a party happening there and you’re not invited. 🙁

But no. Life finds a way, just like that man said in that film about big mean lizards. And as Big the Cat is Life, I too find a way. If I was literate in any way (I got Norton to transcribe this as I was talking, hee) I’d write a letter to Gerald Robotnik’s superiors telling them off for having loads of security issues. Here’s why.

1. I can climb all of these grills, even without any air. On the plus side, this place has such big, nice, tasty grills…

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2. I can fish for fish in this fishy-looking goo. Look, Eggman’s biting!

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3. This place is blowing up and I can just stand here

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4. I fell through some floorboards and got stuck between two walls (hi Knuckles :))

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5. I don’t even remember how I got here.

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6. The best part is, nobody even noticed I was here!

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7. I’m a ninja

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5 Comments

  1. You caught an Egg on the Ark! Congrats Big!

    But I don’t think he’ll take kindly to being taken home with you.

  2. What you saw was only the illusion that they wanted you to see.

    Behold, The Sonic Stadium in it’s true form!!

  3. Finally this site has something interesting!
    Yay for mr. Big!
    This April’s Fools-Day is the best 😀

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