Freak-Out Friday: Segata Sanshiro, SEGA’s Greatest Hero

segatasanshiro
Source: Archie Comics’ Sonic the Hedgehog, Issue #269 – “Ready to Rumble”

Consider this Freak-Out Friday a history lesson in gaming, one that dates back to the bygone era of the mid-1990s.

What’s that? “This doesn’t have anything to do with Sonic the Hedgehog,” you say?

You fools.

What you are about to bear witness to has everything to do with Sonic. In fact, this is about something much, much bigger than Sonic, for had it not been for this man, the Blue Blur — no, SEGA as a whole — would not be around today.

If there is someone you should thank for keeping Sonic’s legacy alive past the turn of the millennium, if there was a single person to whom you should pay tribute for the continued existence of SEGA and all of the amazing games it has both published and developed over the years, well… There is only one right answer to this query.

segatasanshirofeature

Segata Sanshiro.”

Lo, for it was he whose unshakeable faith in the glory that is SEGA kept the SEGA Saturn alive. As unbelievable as it would sound, there once was a time when no man, woman, or child dared believe in the revolutionary 32-bit greatness of the Saturn, but not Segata. He believes, and still does to this very day.

It was Segata whose unparalleled judo-throws can make his victims spontaneously combust twice, for he has achieved peak human condition by training in complete isolation from the civilized world and devoting his life to video games. With a giant SEGA Saturn strapped to his back, he exercises his fighting and gaming prowess in solitude, as he only met his match with Chuck Norris (as archived by ScrewAttack! in their Death Battle records) and Sonic himself (see above).

It was Segata, doted on only by Sakura Shinguji of Sakura Wars 2 fame, who mortally punishes those who do not play seriously, battering the bodies of those who do anything instead of playing on the SEGA Saturn so that they may never forget.

It was Segata who in his final moments, as he saved SEGA Headquarters from a malicious missile and rode it into the void of outer space (as seen in the Race of AGES track in Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed!), affirmed that the SEGA Saturn will one day become legend, and its soul will bridge the gaps between dreams. He ultimately perished in the missile’s explosion.
[ Note: he walked it off. ]

Courtesy of Saturn Memories comes the anthem of Segata Sanshiro, complete with a music video that can only capture so much of his greatness in a few short minutes (complete with English subtitles in the captions!). Rise, and sing its words with us all! Play the SEGA Saturn until your fingers break!

Segata Sanshiro stars in the mega crossover RPG Project X Zone 2 (available now for the Nintendo 3DS in all regions), spreading the good word of the SEGA Saturn to his fellow SEGA/Capcom/Bandai Namco/Monolith Soft/Nintendo compatriots.

To those among you who have not known of Segata Sanshiro until this day, I pray that this lesson will serve you well.

SEGA SATURN SHIRO!

Published by

VizardJeffhog

Unparalleled Canadian greatness! Jeffrey is a writer for TSS and Gamnesia, a pianist obsessed with video game music, and a recent university graduate majoring in Communications. Loves all things Sonic and Nintendo to a fault.

17 Comments

  1. Segata Sanshiro Sega Character should be confirmed in Super Smash Bros For Wii U & 3DS it will be our favorite moment to happen but sadly the update is over right now this year because Bayontetta is a Sega character & Platinum Game character to in Super Smash Bros For Wii U & 3DS is awesome to see her & plus Sonic as well two years ago when the game came out in November 21st,2014!

    1. Don’t give up hope! If we all play Sega Saturn until our fingers break, our saviour Segata may appear in Super Smash Brothers 5!

  2. He was the Japanese Terry Crews before Old Spice even came up with the idea.
    SEGATA SANSHIRO
    SEGATA SANSHIRO
    SEGA SATURN SHIRO

  3. And yet, Sonic doesn’t meet the Height Requirement to join Project X Zone, alongside Klonoa. Sorry boys, you must be THIS tall to ride, but until then, you can always play in Super Smash Bros!

  4. I remember seeing a compilation of nearly all of the commercials on YouTube way back in 2011 or something. The double-explosion gets me every time.

  5. You’re doing God’s work Vizard, by telling the stories of the great Sanshiro-sama to the children of this new world. You have brought honor to us all.

    *bow*

    1. The knowledge of Sanshiro-sama’s legacy may not be the one the world deserves, but it is the one it desperately needs.

      I pray that his greatness will bring light to those in dark times.

      *bows*

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